


A Dozen Flavors

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Psychological, Romance, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 08:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8526508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: There was this room Kyungsoo was in. It had four walls and one door. There was a window, too, but the view was plain.There was nothing else in this room. Nothing. Except for...





	

  
  
There was this room Kyungsoo was in. It had four walls and one door. There was a window, too, but the view consisted of nothing but a sea of grey clouds obscuring the sky.  
There was nothing else in this room. Grey walls, polished floor of a slightly darker shade... and nothing else.  
"Kyungsoo?"  
His eyes flit around the room. Nothing. Where did the voice come from?  
"You don't look too good," the voice said, and Kyungsoo couldn't see its source. It was a deep voice, deeper than his and slightly rougher. But the tone was so oddly soothing.  
"Who are you?" he asked into the room, hands holding on to the simple windowsill digging into his back. The voice chuckled in disbelief.  
"Who I am? I'm hurt, Soo. Don't be like that."  
But Kyungsoo wasn't joking, he was genuinely curious and mildly scared.  
"Your name, I want to know your name!"  
"...it's Chanyeol," the voice said after a beat of silence, and Kyungsoo felt a bit of his uneasiness dissolving. Chanyeol. He knew Chanyeol. He was familiar. But why couldn't he see him? Why was he all alone in this room?  
"Where are you, Chanyeol?" he asked cautiously, and the voice sounded almost amused.  
"With you, of course. When am I not?"  
What a strange reply. Was he invisible? Did he have an invisible friend?  
But maybe, just maybe, he was just not in this room. He could be outside. Slowly, Kyungsoo inched towards the door, but his fingers hesitated around the door handle. This room was really empty and a little sad. But at least he was all by himself. Who knew what awaited him outside? Still, this voice was calling for him, and Kyungsoo felt drawn to it.  
So he opened the door and entered the neighboring room.  
  
This room, as well, had four walls and one door.  
It looked just like the other room... except there was a bed in it. A way too large double bed taking up almost a quarter of the room, nestled into a corner. And there was a man sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked like he wanted to dangle his legs, but they were way too long for that. He was tall and had silver hair, a pretty daring color that suited his expressive face well. When Kyungsoo entered, the boy glanced up and waved at him with a lazy smile.  
"Hey."  
This man must be Chanyeol, Kyungsoo thought. He didn't have to ask. He knew. Without a word, he padded over to him and sank into the plush mattress, eyes trained on the grey ceiling. Now that he thought about it, he was pretty tired. Really, really... tired. His eyes dropped close before he knew it, and he felt the weight next to him shift, felt the warmth of another body, though they did not touch.  
He awoke to someone poking his arm. In a lazy move, he swatted at the hand, but it returned. Kyungsoo groaned. Why did he wake him up? He was still tired.  
"Hey, Soo. Time to get up," the deep voice mumbled, and if it weren't so smooth and pretty, Kyungsoo might have gotten angry. With an intelligible murmur on his lips, he turned away from Chanyeol, only to be engulfed in a firm hug that startled him awake.  
"What are you- stop that!" he complained, rapidly sitting up. Instead of looking dejected, the young man grinned up at him victoriously.  
"You're up!" he stated, and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.  
"What do you even want?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.  
"Let's go out and get ice cream," Chanyeol suggested, rolling onto his stomach to look at him expectantly. Kyungsoo hesitated.  
"I'm tired, Yeol," he started, briefly wondering why the nickname rolled off his tongue so naturally, "and I'm not that hungry-"  
"Oh, come on. Pretty please. My treat?"  
With a sigh, Kyungsoo swung his legs over the bed. They were so heavy. But Chanyeol had very big, shining eyes. The perfect puppy look.  
He opened the door, another halfhearted complaint dying on his lips when he opened it to find a person standing right behind it, staring at him.  
He slammed the door shut.  
"Let's forget about the ice cream..." he mumbled, one hand over his racing heart. That person had looked extremely scary. A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and Kyungsoo flinched. But it was only Chanyeol, who pulled him against his side. The fingers of his free hand came to rest atop Kyungsoo's, on the door handle.  
"Please, Soo. I'm hungry. You should be hungry, too. Let's eat ice cream. A dozen flavors with fruit slices, toppings, whipped cream and everything."  
Kyungsoo wanted to laugh at his ridiculously sweet tooth, but he was still a little shaken.  
"Please," the voice whispered into his ear, and alright, he could do this.  
He opened the door.  
  
The room had four walls, a bed and a door. But the door was blocked by people. There were so many people standing around, and all of them were staring at him. They looked angry and accusatory, and Kyungsoo couldn't do it. He whirled around, but this room, as well, had four walls, one door and one window. And what had been a door a second ago, was now a window. And Chanyeol wasn't there anymore.  
"Kyungsoo."  
This voice seemed familiar, but not in a nice way. It was hoarse and unpleasant. Slowly, he turned to face the people. There were older and younger ones. The woman that was blocking the doorway had been the one to speak.  
"You're such a disappointment. At this age, one ought to think you'd be grown up by now - but look at you."  
Kyungsoo wished she would shut up.  
She hated him. And he hated her. So why was it so hard to look her into the eyes?  
"Why didn't you call?" another person said, and Kyungsoo squirmed. Who was this? Why would he call her?  
"Pay attention when I'm talking to you!" the woman by the door barked, and Kyungsoo flinched back against the windowsill.  
"Kyungsoo, we have to talk," another person, a guy, said and looked at him with the same look of disappointment.  
Kyungsoo didn't want to talk. He wanted to get away, but there was only one door and it was blocked. He didn't know that woman, much less the slightly older man next to her.  
"You really should've said something."  
"Why don't you listen to her? She looks like she cares about you."  
"Everybody who cares about you deserves some respect, don't you think?"  
They were all talking, and Kyungsoo wanted to scream. Where was Chanyeol now?  
Someone was tugging at his arm and with a yelp, he jumped away.  
_Don't touch me. Don't come near me._  
"Hey, come on-"  
Kyungsoo didn't listen to any of them and when he looked up, he saw Chanyeol. Pressed into a corner he'd definitely not been in before. He nodded towards the door with a conspiratorial look. Could he do that? Make a run for the door? Just push them aside?  
It felt good to have at least one person on his side. When a kid reached out to pull at his sleeves, Kyungsoo dove to the side and darted forwards. More hands were grabbing him, people were yelling things and someone was holding the door closed. Kyungsoo helplessly tugged at it, and when Chanyeol pulled the guy away from the door, he finally managed to open it and all but tumbled into the neighboring room. The door was slammed shut behind him.  
  
This room looked just like the previous ones. Minus the people and plus some inanimate objects. For awhile, Kyungsoo simply stood there with closed eyes, waited for his breathing to even out. He was wary of what lay behind him, even though it was just a windowsill digging into his back.  
When he dared to open his eyes, he began to inspect his surroundings, only for his eyes to fall on this godforsaken painting. That silly painting he'd done for his studies, a self-portrait. He'd put so much work into it, but it had turned out all crooked and full of mistakes. Just seeing it was annoying. There was also a broken TV on a cluttered desk pushed to the wall, splattered paint on the walls, ripped pieces of tapestries on the floor, and oh. Of course. On the bed sat Chanyeol, looking over at him with that stupid smile of his. Kyungsoo was stressed. He'd just meant to sleep. Just rest a little. Instead, Chanyeol had dragged him around, and all this horrible people had caged him in. This was sort of his fault, and Kyungsoo would have forgiven him if only he didn't look so damn remorseless.  
"Can you stop smiling like an idiot for one second?" he asked him with annoyance dripping from his voice. "There's not even a reason to smile - you see anything worth grinning? Because I don't! All of this sucks!"  
This strange rooms sucked, every single one of them. They were terrible, and maybe the one he had started out in had been the best one of them all. And he'd never be able to return there now. Chanyeol's smile barely twitched, though there was a certain flicker of worry in his orbs.  
"What's wrong, Soo?" he asked, and Kyungsoo snapped, swishing all the contents off the table.  
" _Everything is wrong_!"  
Pencils bounced off the walls and ground with a resounding clatter and books collided with the floor, their backs bend in an ugly way. Chanyeol flinched, but the stupid smile was still there.  
"This room is wrong, this fucking painting is wrong, all those people just now were wrong! Name me one thing that _doesn't_ suck! One thing, Chanyeol!"  
His smile was weak and wavering at this point. But it was still a smile.  
"You don't suck," he said gently, almost cautiously, and Kyungsoo blindly reached for an object to throw at him. Chanyeol lifted his arms reflexively, and groaned quietly when the book hit him. A lie. It was a big, fat lie born out of pity.  
Kyungsoo hated Chanyeol. For waking him up, for tugging him along. For being this pathetic. And for smiling. Especially for smiling.  
He reached for another book and this time it hit the other's temple. Kyungsoo stilled in his tracks, breathing heavily and observing Chanyeol lift a hand to the wound to dip his fingers against it. A trail of red ran down his cheek, and Kyungsoo was frozen in place, awaiting his reaction. Expecting the other to lash out at him, to punish him for being this awful.  
Chanyeol looked at his fingers in something akin to wonder, before rubbing his sleeves over the wound. He blinked up at Kyungsoo from under his sleeves. And smiled.  
"It's okay, just a scratch."  
Kyungsoo felt the tears before he understood them. Hot tears welling up, blurring his sight.  
And he screamed. Sank to his knees, hid his face and just screamed.  
He was so _angry_. He didn't want to see anybody. Not those people, not himself and especially not Chanyeol. He wanted to hurt the boy even more, and he wanted to hurt himself for thinking like this.  
"Soo-"  
"Fuck off!" he yelled.  
_Go away,_ he said in a muffled voice.  
_Leave me alone.  
  
Before I hurt you._  
  
When he looked up with dried, crusty tears on his skin, Chanyeol was gone. There was nothing but the chaos Kyungsoo himself had caused. And a door left ajar. He didn't want to go anywhere anymore. He wanted to return. But there was no going back, and this room was nothing but ruins. So Kyungsoo rose to his feet, feeling numb after forcing his body through all those intense emotions. He didn't want to, and yet he pulled open the door. Maybe it was guilt egging him on.   
  
_Yes_ , he thought when he'd entered the next room that looked just like the others. Maybe he wanted to find Chanyeol and-  
Something rustled and Kyungsoo's eyes darted down to see the flood of letters pooling around his feet. Letters, pieces of paper, receipts. Ripped out pages of books and calendars. The whole walls, no even the ceiling was plastered with calenders of the same type. Fat, unforgiving letters counting the days. All of them showed different dates, and one sheet loosened and fell down almost peacefully. Kyungsoo followed it with his eyes.  
_Tick, tock. One day is up.  
How many more are to come?_  
It landed before... Chanyeol. Kyungsoo was actually surprised to see the streaks of blood on his face. This was the same Chanyeol he'd hit with a book earlier. Was it all the same person? One person, willing to wake him up, tug him along, protect him and dismiss the hurt he was inflicting on him?  
Chanyeol didn't seem to realize he was bleeding. He looked at Kyungsoo with nothing but gentle calmness.  
"Hey Soo," he said.  
Kyungsoo should apologize to him. He took a step towards him, but the letters were being crushed under his feet. Another sheet rained from the ceiling, floating like a dead autumn leaf, and the words died in his throat.  
"I..." he began, and Chanyeol looked at him with big, curious eyes. But Kyungsoo couldn't say it. He felt weighed down by all of this. Pressured. As if the numbers were glaring at him, staring at him with dead, accusing eyes. Telling him that it was too late to apologize. And Kyungsoo wanted to leave. But suddenly, moving itself seemed so scary. He'd never be able to avoid crushing all these fragile letters and papers around him. If he apologized, Chanyeol would forgive him - and Kyungsoo would hurt him again, and it would start all over again. Another day was passing away, floating to the ground, and suddenly, two warm palms were cupping his cheeks, forcing Kyungsoo to look up and into shining, brown orbs.  
"It's okay," he whispered. "Don't look at it. Look at me."  
Kyungsoo squirmed, but the other wouldn't let go until he relented. Chanyeol held their gaze for a few, long seconds. Kyungsoo heard the paper rustle around him, but he kept his eyes fixated on Chanyeol, thinking that he might be able to stay like this. It wasn't a nice room, but for the first time he felt _good_. Chanyeol must have seen it, read it in his eyes, for his grin widened a bit, showcasing a single, little dimple.  
"I know, right? And let me tell you - it will get even better from here on. Promise," he said lowly, as if letting him in on a secret.  
"Really?" he rasped out, and Chanyeol nodded encouragingly. Kyungsoo saw him lean in and closed his eyes. The tips of their noses touched, just for a second... and then he was gone. Kyungsoo was alone in the room, but he wasn't that scared anymore. He knew what he had to do, and so he crossed the room decisively, cringing under the sound of paper crumpling beneath his feet. But he didn't stop until his fingers had grasped the door handle.  
  
Kyungsoo entered the room. It had four walls, a door and a window and nothing else. Besides the man standing at the door, with his back to him.  
"Chanyeol..." Kyungsoo called out, voice trickling off hesitantly and finally dying when the other turned and looked at him. He wasn't smiling. He looked hesitant.  
"Yeah?"  
Kyungsoo felt the uneasiness return like a heavy weight landing on his shoulders. Still, Chanyeol had told him that things would brighten up even more, _promised_ him.  
So he approached him, slowly reached out to touch his upper arm... and Chanyeol avoided the touch, stepping back and just out of reach. Kyungsoo swore he felt something shatter inside him.  
"Soo, I don't think this is a good idea-" he began, but Kyungsoo cut him off, too scared to hear his next words.  
"You were the one coming to me!" he accused the other, and Chanyeol grimaced.  
"Yeah, but this is different."  
"No, it's not! It's not different!" Kyungsoo protested. Chanyeol looked sorry, and Kyungsoo wanted to cry. It hurt. There were so many types of pain. The pain you felt when you were all alone, the one caused by others, and the one caused by yourself.  
"You smiled at me, Chanyeol! You were the one... smiling at me like that..." Kyungsoo muttered, voice cracking.  
There were so many things Kyungsoo was afraid of. He was afraid of being alone, but also afraid of being around people he'd much rather run away from. He was afraid of lashing out, of missing out, and sometimes of himself.  
But his greatest fear, the biggest pain possible, was being rejected by Chanyeol.  
"I was just being friendly," Chanyeol said with an awkward shrug, "you took it the wrong way, Soo. There was no meaning-"  
" **Liar**!" Kyungsoo yelled, fists clenched by his sides. "Those smiles meant something, I know it!"  
And with this, he rushed forward, right through Chanyeol, reached out...  
  
...and opened the door.  
  
He caught glimpses of a narrow corridor, but was soon distracted by a surprised yelp when someone -who had evidently been sitting on the ground with his back to the door- all but tumbled into the room. Looking down, he saw a mop of silver hair... and a pair of wide, brown orbs.  
"Kyungsoo!"  
Chanyeol scrambled to his feet and before he knew it, he had been pulled into a tight embrace.  
Yes, Chanyeol really was tall. He could embrace him and just like that, Kyungsoo was gone to the world.  
"Thank god you finally opened the door," he heard him mumble into his hair, restless hands running up and down his back. "I was so worried. It's been two weeks, did you even eat?"  
No, he hadn't.  
"You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" Chanyeol suddenly asked, drew away and grasped Kyungsoo's scrawny lower arms. His thumb ran over Kyungsoo's pulse point relentlessly, and it made him a little dizzy. He hummed, denying the question. Without warning, a firm kiss was pressed to his cheek and with it, the air was pressed out of his lungs. Another one, hard and desperate against the side of his neck, and Kyungsoo's fingers clawed into his hoodie.  
"Don't do that again, Soo," his deep, soothing voice muttered against his skin, hastily pressing out the words in between the kisses. "Don't tell me something like that and shut me out right after. I'm different from them, right? You trust me, right?"  
Kyungsoo nodded, but he felt like crying when the fear bubbled up again. Of course Chanyeol was different. He was always there, and never betrayed him or made things hard for him. But then those _words_ had just tumbled out of Kyungsoo's mouth, and there was this shock reflected in his eyes and... Kyungsoo had slammed the door in his face.  
After that, the fear grew with every second spent in doubt.  
_What if he'll accept my confession just out of pity? Out of courtesy?_  
To change me for the better?  
But right now, all of this seemed so ridiculous. And when Chanyeol whispered in his ear that he'd love to be with him, that he'd always wished for this... Kyungsoo finally felt a sense of peace and completion the empty room had been lacking.  
It will only get better from here on, Chanyeol had said. And he was right.  
"I want ice cream," he said, and his breathy voice was enough for Chanyeol to cease heating his skin with kisses.  
"Sure, I'll go get some-"  
"Let's get it together," Kyungsoo cut him off, tugging a dumb-founded Chanyeol down the hallway.  
"You wanna go out? Really?"  
Kyungsoo looked up at him from where he was tying his shoes.  
"I want a dozen flavors. With fruit slices, toppings, whipped cream and everything."  
Chanyeol smiled brightly. And Kyungsoo smiled, too.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess it's safe to say that it's obvious Kyungsoo hates to leave his room.  
> Though I don't think of him as someone with Agoraphobia. This is more something playing along the lines of depressions and the finer layers to it. How it's not just 'being down in general', but has a lot of reasons coming together.
> 
> This was written in about 2.5 hours - plus half an hour of editing. So please forgive the crudeness of this story :<
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♥


End file.
